The mirror has many faces...

Sometimes when i sleep i am in the arms of my own dreams , they take me where-ever they wish to in their own dreamland. I see myself in a problem , a problem that cannot be solved and my mind racing with all possible solutions towards it. Alas , there are no concrete solutions to it. The preceding conclusion to it that i wake up with my mnd being in a frenzy and a whole aching body.
One of my dreams has me standing in one of those old fashioned trial rooms with mirrors on all sides and if you look into one mirror then you see multiple reflections of the same you. I like to focus on only one of the many images that I can see and try to ignore the other images. It is almost as if I like that particular image of myself and I want to keep focusing on that as I stand in the trial room.
One of these nights when I had this dream, I had trouble focusing on that image and the whole effort of it broke my sleep and I got up and started to think about this dream and its implications in real life. To me the parallels with real life were easy to draw. I see myself, as I am today, in many images and I like to potray myself in different images to different people. All of the images put together would probably define me the best rather than each image by itself. Each image has its element of truth, hope and fantasy. There is some truth or the image wouldn’t have generated to begin with but I also hope and fantasise about completely being the person that I seek to potray in my image. Sometimes the image comes out unconsciously without me knowing it.
Reading through the archives of my blog I see images of myself that I didn’t know existed. If I now had to sit and write on the same issues I would probably churn out a totally different post. Totally different thought process and conclusion.In all this there is how I imagine myself to be. That one image that I focus on in my dream and that I like the most. That is how I imagine myself to be. Under the harsh gaze of my eyes sometimes this image breaks down to nothing and I stand naked in front of the mirror just the way I am.
Growing up I was horrified at seeing myself without an image but now I have come to like myself better this way. The image is slowly changing and it is resembling more and more of me. It is becoming more and more like a glass which is slowly getting cleared. The process is not easy but it is gratifying to say the least. The world looks much clearer now. I want to say simpler but I don’t think that is the case, atleast not yet.

Thought for the day ...

" You should be more menti than you are senti " - Ria Shergil ...

As i sit here..

I write this keeping in view my mental status

As i sit here, I see smoke rising over my head as if giving me an indication to something. My thoughts go to endless days of thinking mindlessly. Sometimes you just want to waste time thinking about nothing , you just wish to be alone and have your own space. You need your bubble of solitude.

As i sit here, i can see the clock ticking and think as to how fast life is passing. A moment back i was in school chasing a football and now i am staring at a design portfolio. Life lived now will be history the next second. A moment lost , a moment that cannot be revived back , a moment that is finished.

As i sit here, i think of all the dreams that i saw, all those dreams that forced me to believe that it is wiser to be awake than to dream. Dreams that saw aspirations are buried, and ambitions drowning.

As i sit here, i think that till now i have had some highs and some lows. Some were good days and some were bad days. It is a flashback of memory. A black and white photo reel that is running reminding me of each and everything. The mistakes that costed me and the risks that gifted me.

As i sit here, i hope this darkness ends, giving way to a new hope. It ends the struggle. It gives me the required strength to collide with it. A new ray .... A new beginning.

As i sit here, i hope that i am wiser today than what i was yesterday. I learn to be more forgiving. I learn to appreciate life. I can hope that i am stronger and live life today , now and this moment

Boredom

Besides the fact that the word "Sick" also rhymes with a religion that my father inherits , it also creates a havoc in my life. College holidays are on, its Feb 1st now, I have about 8 days more. I am down with Viral Fever and Cold. I cant do anything besides lie down on a bed and stare at the ceiling,
Well not to completely blame on sickness , I was anyways doing the same every single day, that's life for me. Ally aka Alisha would never be convinced over this but girl i am not really lazy. Umm yeah occasionally i might refuse to do certain things , but that doesn't really brand me Lazy eh ?..
Its been long since i was at the blogging scene , (Yes , blame on laziness and nothing more).

Sammy has also left for Singapore, believe me i have no one to really share my laziness and boredom with. (Now i realise that i really miss that blond singaporian girl. Damnn !)

Boredom sometimes challenges you , it really does and that is precisely what it has done to me this past 1 week. I have managed to watch all the seasons of F.R.I.E.N.D.S (on an average i end up watching 2 seasons every night).

Cigarettes are being consumed on a very high scale, Late night drives to Ajman and Sharjah are pretty common nowadays, sharing a smoke with Pulkit in the middle of the night (4am) is to the extent boredom has driven me.
I was so bored i decided to watch Dil Kabbadi yet again for the 3rd time, (Fuck you Ryan , it aint such a bad movie in fact its too good , its a laugh-riot )

Not that anyone would be interested but just for the record , i have left Sheesha , I haven't smoked sheesha for a month now i guess. It seems a recent survey has said that people who smoke cigarettes and sheesha together have a health span of 45 years. My future plans of retireing early, live in Las Vegas and play poker can really go down in drain. So yeah that was one of the reasons as to why i had to really leave sheesha , and probably the other being i was getting sick with the smell of it. I plan to leave ciggs pretty soon too.

Am i turning into a women ?

Earlier just to freak out Aakriti i used to say to her things that might give an indication that i am turning into a women, but something is odd , something is really REALLY weird this past one week. I think i am turning into a women, i don't have much proof for this - for example i don't have men staring at my chest when i talk to them nor do they open the door for me and stare at my ass when i leave the room... but i do have this major feeling that i am more of a women than a man.
Everything was fine till today mom told me and Arushi to fetch few things from Lamcy.
After 90 Min's of shopping at Lamcy Plaza , i refused to push the trolley i mean wasn't that a guys job to do ? . I even started to arrange the items (eggs, aerated drinks , juice , toilet paper) , initially i used to just stack them one over the other but it seemed that i had actually started to arrange them in a systematic way. I realized that when i am a women i hate it if eggs touch toilet paper.
There are three things that men do in a Supermarket
1.Drive down and search for parking endlessly
2.Push the trolley
3. Stare at other girls
I didn't feel like doing any of these.
On my way back , i hit a car in the parking lot while i was trying to get the car out. There was a guy who was a Lebanese by his looks standing a little away . Since my window was up , I could only Lip read this is what i could manage " You Motherfucker why are you driving like a lady ? "
Once inside the house, I couldn't relax till I had arranged all the edibles inside the fridge and the other items in the kitchen cabinets
Later in the evening , i had to meet Ria and Rahul at Times Cafe. I ordered a Fosters beer and i didn't like the taste. Was i not drinking beer 'coz it can make you burp endlessly or was i acting like a women ? I seriously don't know
I told mom that i would like to come to her friends house for dinner which she had planned like a week back or so, I din’t tell her that I had this huge urge to join the ladies for their 9 pm. to 10 pm. dinner talk where everything from diaper rashes to school fees was discussed and digested.
BTW FYI mom has this friend called Divya , and her daughter Risha is like very hot, initially my sole reason was to meet her but when i went there , for some apparent reason i got bored talking to her, i was admiring her dressing table more than anything.
Somehow,Doritos seemed boring to me today while watching TV, Saas Bahu serials have a lot controversy i also found out today.

Note: If you are a lady, you probably understand the symptoms better – can you tell me the truth…am I turning into a woman? If yes, I would like to know your thoughts on same gender sex?

Crossing One's Tea...

I dont know what you are addicted to , but off late i am addicted to Tea . It is a fact that i think i do have very few friends, and when you really need to talk to someone, i think over cigarettes and Tea is like the best thing. Sammy and Ryan would know better. Personally any kind of Tea would do for me - be it Green Tea , White Tea , Herbal Tea or my favourite Disco Chai. No you dont start dancing after having it its just a name given to a Tea by some Mallu Cafe nearby.It is funny how an Indian sitting in Dubai is writing about something that the Chinese discovered and the Japanese added flavour to. The reason being that i am so fed up of my portfolio that i am surfing endlessly on various sites on Tea out of all things possible.:S

Anyways it is believed that the Chinese discovered tea when some tea leaves accidentally fell into a pot of boiling water. Now my question is – who threw in the milk and sugar?
I am not the only one who is addicted to tea of any kind. Over the years, Indian culture & customs have been influenced by tea. Customs were influenced less by tea and more by tea smugglers, Lol.

It is said that an American improvised on tea and came up with the concept of “Iced Tea.” What beats me is that they did it in 1904 (at the 1904 World Fair St. Louis) when refrigerators were not available in a normal household. And even if refrigerators were available ….how did some random tea leaves fly into a refrigerator? Wasn’t the refrigerator door closed?
Americans live by improvising. Besides the telephone, I know of nothing that has been invented (or discovered) by the Americans. Why…they needed Christopher Colombus, an Italian sailor working for a Spanish queen, to discover their own country – the Americas!

Maybe you aren’t aware of this….in the United States of America, 90% of the tea consumed is black. And in India and Dubai 90% of the tea consumed is white (with milk that is). Ironic isn’t it - white men having black tea and black men having white tea?

According to the tea historian, whose article I have been reading for the time being , after becoming popular in China, Japan and America….tea started filtering into Europe in the 17th century. Now, my question is….if tea was all filtered…how did the Europeans ever get the tea leaves? And what a big filter it should have been. The one that I use in my house to filter tea into the tea cup has a diameter of ten centimeters.
In Europe, tea first filtered into Holland and France. In Holland it is popular to this day, but in France wine has taken over. There were a few benefits that wine offered over and above tea, and we are not talking about the alcohol content.
Some of the differences that the French saw before they shifted away from tea are:
• Wine didn’t need a heating unit

• Wine didn’t need to be filtered

• Wine didn’t need milk to be added

After such a long, boring article….if only someone can make me a cup of tea...

When i got online...

It must be 5 or 6 years back that i might have used the internet for the 1st time, it was kind of cool in school days , having your own Email and all ... though it sounds pretty lame now as a my cousin who is 5 years old has her own Email Id , thats Narayani Bhatnagar for you , elders though tell me that i was a brat when i was a kid (am i still one ?), wait till you meet her .. Anyways back to the topic , i remember i had initially had started chatting in chat rooms via Yahoo! Messenger havin the most cheeziest of id nicks buzzing_around2002@yahoo.co.in (yeah you can laugh over it but its better than coolboy, or hotboy or angelgirl)... Today I logged onto my account after like a year or so. Yahoo! has this unique feature of automatically saving all your past conversations online, that is if you would have used yahoo! messenger.

The Net was just right for me. I could lie , I could pretend i could say anything to anyone.

Here are few transcripts that actually took place about 5 years ago.

Vital Info- My Id is buzzing_around2002

6.30 p.m.

buzzing_around2002: Hi

pleazemeetme: ASL pls

buzzing_around2002:What…?

pleazemeetme: Are you a guy or a girl?

buzzing_around2002: Guy. Why?

pleazemeetme: Fuck off you punk. !!

Later I would come to know that pleazemeetme was a guy looking for a girl.

6.45 p.m.
buzzing_around2002: Hi

meetmeinheaven: asl?

buzzing_around2002: You mean sex?

meetmeinheaven: Yes. How did you know what I was thinking?

buzzing_around2002: Just like that. I am a guy.

meetmeinheaven: Then why do you want to have sex with me?

buzzing_around2002: When did I say that?

meetmeinheaven:Buzz off you fruit cake (incase you did not know, it means a homo i got to know that later)

This guy was desperate.

7.00 p.m.
buzzing_around2002: asl?

pinky190479: 15/F/Lukhnow

buzzing_around2002: whats that?

pinky190479: My asl dumbo.

buzzing_around2002: Does asl mean age, sex and location?

pinky190479: Yes. Guess you are too dumb. Bye.

buzzing_around2002: No…no.. I am new to chat.

pinky190479: That’s fine. Bye.

By now, I had smartened up and realized that on the net the guys are looking for girls. And girls too are looking for girls.

7.15 p.m
radhika_kumar (BTW, this is me): Hi

jaya_bisht79:hi

radhika_kumar: asl?

jaya_bisht79: 18/F/Nanital (UP)

radhika_kumar: Cool.

jaya_bisht79: Your asl?

radhika_kumar: 18/F/New Delhi

jaya_bisht79: Thats neat.

radhika_kumar: So what do you do?

jaya_bisht79: I am a student doing Commerce with Maths.

radhika_kumar: I cannot believe my luck. My brother is into science and he wants to shift to commerce. He had some doubts.

jaya_bisht79: What kind?

radhika_kumar: If it is worth everything, salary expected …you know that kind. If it is ok with you, shall I give him your id?

jaya_bisht79: Hm….fine. Should not be a problem. Is he online?

radhika_kumar: No he is not online now. I just called him up and gave him your id. BTW, his yahoo id is buzzing_around2002

jaya_bisht79: No hassles.

radhika_kumar: That is really nice of you. He will get in touch with you shortly. I will log off now , takecare bye bye .

Fifteen minutes after I logged off, I logged in again, this time as buzzing_around2002. We struck the right chord. She is still my chat friend and keeps enquiring about my sister Radhika Kumar,though we speak rarely nowadays

Taj Mahal , Its FAKE

Its true i am not allowed to give my History exam thankx to Ms.Indira Barve ( !@#!$!$ ) , so since i will have to give this exam again, i have been preparing for my other exams and believe it or not, it is going pretty well. My portfolio's have come out pretty well. I have my Islamic Architecture exam on Thursday and i have done somewhat preparation on it, We do have a set of 40 questions which we got to learn and then on the exam day you will have 20 questions from it ... There was this question write a note on the Taj Mahal. and the answer started as to why it was built ? Who built it ? .. blah blah . Come to think of it i have another version of it altogether. Few of you will be angry with me but personally i don't think that Shah Jahan ever fell in love with Mumtaz Mahal and built such a massive mausoleum for her ...

If some random guy told me that Shah Jahan built it for his wife Mumtaz Mahal i would readily agree to it but now since historians have confirmed it , I really don't buy that story. I have arrived at this from my own experiences. The last thing i built for Aakriti was neither the India Gate nor the Jama Masjid, but instead a hand made card on our 3rd month anniversary. I spoke to a friend of mine Vikrant about this and he said that the only thing he gave Candice ever was a wooden purse with a security code... ( Yes in Paris you do get that )

You could endlessly argue with me that Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal lived in a period where true love blossomed. But even then , I am pretty sure that it would not have been possible for Shah Jahan to love his wife the same for over 20 years. Perhaps it was good for Shah Jahan that his wife was no longer alive when he started building the Taj otherwise he would have stopped it a 100 times ...

Remember that story that Shah Jahan had cut the thumbs of all his workers after the Taj Mahal was erected, so that the Taj Mahal wouldn't be made ever again (talk about copyright laws). This is all crap, utter Bullshit. Here is the true story : The day the thumbs were cut, Shah Jahan remembered how one day Mumtaz had refused to serve him dinner. Mumtaz had been on the phone with her mother the whole day long, and hence could not serve dinner for Shah Jahan. This had completely pissed off the King of the World, he could not do anything about it... But now as she was dead he could take independent decisions , so he stopped all the work at the Taj and ordered the thumbs of all craftsmen to be cut.

It was not until next morning that Shah Jahan resumed all word at the site. My guess is Shah Jahan remembered how his wife served him otherwise (don't forget the couple had 14 kids)

Initially the Taj Mahal was supposed to be a tribute to his wife Mumtaz Mahal ONLY, but when she died Shah Jahan decided to combine the five other tributes that he was planning to build (for his earlier girlfriends) with the Taj Mahal. That is why today you see one tomb and four Minarets along with it. You probably wonder what the hell happened to the 5th Girlfriend, that is why the Taj Mahal is built on the banks of the river Yamuna. His 5th gf's name was Yamuna.

I know you wont believe me ... But neither do i believe myself ...

Is this really the exam pressure ?? .. :S:S:S

I Love you ....... (Yes i am waiting for a reply)

Gone are the days when " I love you " would actually evoke a reply from my girlfriend. I say echo because she used to give me this romantic look and reply "I love you too". Now i can say it comes under the concept of "Purani yaadien". Now that we have been dating for like a year now, things seem to be changing a bit. We have our usual fights but alls well, we patch up in like an hour of ( no talking , no smses to each other ) . I love you no longer gives me those romantic looks, they no longer get me the similar feeling if not, similar sounding words....
I wouldn't have put it up for the world to see (not that people don't have any other work other than to check blogs) if it had not been for what happened today afternoon, I was studying and she had called me, this is how our conversation went ..
Aakriti: Hey
Me:Hi wats up?
Aakriti: Nothing much .. just been busy with the coming up examz .. Eco Sucks !!
Me: Umm yeah it does ...
Aakriti: How are you coping up with your examz ?
Me: Pretty good ..
Aakriti: Are you free for 3 hours tomorrow ?
Me: It depends .. anywayz whatz the plan ?
Aakriti: No i plan to go to the creek and study
Me:huh ?
Aakriti: Umm yeah i will study there our purana aada .. will you come ?
Me: I dont know .. not sure..
Aakriti: OK BYE ! i have to study
Me: Hmm ... bye i have to study too .. Love you ..
**** The phone got Disconnected this convo must have lasted for like barely few minutes and thats how it had to really end ...

There was a time when my "I love you" had positive responses, so much that i had to give a call to Alfiya or Saniya to tell them that i will be somewhat late to class, which eventually i used to never go for. Over the past one year, the responses that i have actually got from her have been quite dwindling. Here is a list of responses that i have got from her

IMPORTANT- We started dating "Officially" on 11th December 2007

January 11th 2008
Me: I love you
Aakriti: I love you too

March 22nd 2008
Me: I love you
Aakriti: You look good when you wear your black Kurta ..
Me: :S

June 18th 2008
Me: I love you
Aakriti: I am missing you .. :(

July 29th 2008
Me: I love you
Aakriti: You have to quit smoking its been 3 months i have been telling you this...

September 18th 2008
Me: I love you
Aakriti: You have to quit smoking its been 5 months now ... 6 cigarettes per day now -- PERIOD !!

November 24th 2008
Me:I love you
Aakriti: Hey isin't your Bday coming soon ??

December 17th 2008
Me: I love you
Aakriti: Umm yeah uhhh.... (yawn) .. me too !

January 5th 2009
Me: I love you
Aakriti : I am sorry i wont be able to meet you in the evening as i have to study.. ( Bullshit ) ... and then my parents will be at home so i wont be able to call you either anywayz... take care Bye ..! ..

(And now as i am guessing ... )
January 1st 2015
Me: I love you ..
Aakriti: So ??? ...

So much for Relationships ...
A quick question before i bid adieu and go again working on my Residential Design Portfolio ...
Question: If your girlfriend puts poison on her boyfriends pea soup how will he die ?
Answer: Peas-fully .... Lmao

Yes i take immense pleasure and appreciation for my lameness .. :p

Thank God it's Friday ?

'All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy' - is a saying we are all familiar with. And if you can instantly relate to Jack you know you have been working too hard and need to take a break.

A break? Are you kidding? Ask those working in a 24x7 setup – which is practically everywhere i guess and all you’ll get in response is a look of disbelief. Alarmingly, the people of the fastest rising economy in the world don't have time to sit back and relax. Unrealistic targets, enhanced matrices and tempting incentives coupled with never-ending quest for perfection is pushing us into working round-the-clock – with no time for leisure (Yes this is where my craving for Foosball comes in..)
The duration of a weekend has declined from two complete days to just one or maybe half a day now, which usually starts as late as Friday night (I prefer to sleep on a Thursday afternoon after college) and doesn’t really continue till Saturday evening because your phone keeps ringing due to something or the other or the tensions of submissions. Before the TGIF feeling can sink in, there is a fleeting sensation of the arriving Monday blues, or in my present case Sunday blues. The work, the environment and the week, which in most of the cases is an ordeal, is too prominent in the minds of people to let go for these two days.

I had 4 days to complete the goddamn portfolio though its almost complete but still not done up to my expectations, every time i think that i might complete my work over the weekend somehow i just don't complete it. (Can't blame anyone i was too lazy earlier ... ) My weekend mood starts from Friday afternoon and even the shops close earlier in my area than usual on that day. People here are living (Friday) happy and contended lives without the luxury of having housemaids, cooks, cleaners, drivers etc...(Yes my maid takes an off on a Friday and decides to chill out)

Look at my mom for example weekends for her are meant to be Fridays and Saturdays and as soon as the weekend arrives, she switches off her mobiles, Blackberry’s, laptops and doesn't really work unless absolutely necessary. Despite me taken up a course what i always wanted to do or maybe didn't now BA (Interior Design) being pretty clear with my working hours, i end up stretching everyday and even on weekends. Regardless of how much i love (or hate) my work or how much the 24x7 work culture has sink into us Indians, everyone does need some ‘me time’ i guess...

Just like there is a time for everything in life, there is a time for leisure and recreation. Recreational activities provide that much-needed balance and positive energy to our lives without which we would burn out in no time. Have you ever thought about this you end up in a tiff with your girlfriend ONLY on weekends. No i am serious in my case its always like that, still yeah whatever i am committed .. :).... (never really mention your frustrations on your relationships over the Internet past experiences haven't been good).... I still love you Aakriti :)

Before i continue my mindless blah ! about how screwed your weekends can be i am off to rediscover the art and the entertainment of the PLAYSTATION 2 ... adios

P.S - Everyone should really check out the new Need for speed - Undercover ... now that's a game that can really test your driving skills ....

Simple Truth ...

The Punjabi's Of Delhi...

Sometime back i had got a mail from a friend of mine , i had thought of publishing it here but for some reason it just went of my mind and i completely forgot about it ....

Read and Enjoy ...

A is for Adjust. Punjabis will always ask you to 'adjust' whenever they want to push you around!

B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your bum, it is an instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or whatever!

C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its first name George. It is merely an area where people live, e.g., "Defence Cloney"!

D is for Dudh: the rich ' Punjab diyaan dudh-lassiyan' give nouveau riche Punjabi kids their round shapes!

E is for the Expanditure Punjabis incur on acquiring the latest cars, gadgets, marble floors …!

F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like an obscenity, it is actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course!)

G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his guddi puts any F1 driver to shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way Hamilton , Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder!)

H is for Ho Jayega Ji, and the moment you hear that you have to be careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen!

I is for Injaayment, which is the raison d'etre of most Punjabis! J is for the Jwaeller's, where Punjabis visit regularly to buy their jwaellry!

K is for Kake Di Hatti, which was Delhi 's most famous Punjabi restaurant in the 1970's!

L is for Lovely, but unfortunately he almost never is!

M is for Mrooti, the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in love with!

N is for No Problem Ji. To find out how that works see H.

O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting (Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy ...!)

P is for Panj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far (100 km) a Punjabi is from you, he always says he'll reach you in panj mint!

Q is for Queue, which any self-respecting Punjabi would never stoop to join: it's so much quicker to cut in to the front, reciting the names of all the VIP's he knows!

R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one, even if the odds are against him!

S is for Sweetie, Bunty, Pappu and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars in Delhi !

T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chicken!

U is for Ulloo De Patthay, Punjab 's only 'clean' gaali!

V is for VIP's who Punjabis are always in awe of and schmoozing!

W is for Whan, as in "Whan are you coming, ji?"

X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in all Punjabi conversations!

Y is for "You nonsense", when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting match!

Z is for Zigzag (Please refer to G, M and P!)