Let Me be Myself ...

Every now and then I need a state of isolation or maybe term it as seclusion, however these things dont really come out of the blue or something, its just that once in a month or so i would like to be alone to figure out a lot of things on my own, to explore the city on my own, to live it my own. I spoke to a classmate of mine about this, as she also felt the same way as me, since the time she has shifted base to Milan. She wants to be just alone, stare at a ceiling or something similar, staring point blank at a ceiling can freak out people who are around you, and thats perhaps why i dont do that, her reason is quite a lame one, according to her she wants this solitude from life and others around her because she just had a breakup with her boyfriend, for me i think of it as a physical solitude where you are forcing yourself to numerous attempts in order to remove distractions from life and probably concentrate on something else, that can be a bigger priority in life. kya lauda lasoon hain yeh ? .. complete behenchodgiri !

Why for one person stop your life, and come to a standstill as if there is nothing more left, it might have mind-fucked for you to talk /think/speak about that person but till when can you do that ? .. There will be a point where you have to get out of that comfort zone with a loud BANG !

There is nothing to be reminded off, till the time you are not an emotional fool to fall for it every single time, this mind is a dangerous weapon it does have its moments where it tries to wander around the same things again and again. If that person was meant to really come back, he or she would have come back, but then you cant really count your life on it, its too big a hassle and a much bigger head-ache than being single and living happy the way you want it, being single doesnt really mean to not date anyone, it is just an act where you seem to be in a relationship for yourself, but nothing more than that, it is just what you want at that particular moment not anything more and not anything less. The problems are when you talk of relationships, they dont really make sense to me, they are beautiful in their own way, but honestly the dating part is better where you dont seem to be emotionally attached with each other, that you are scared to say anything because it might seem to hurt another person.

You do have a super - duper life dont you ? I say super-duper life solely because the world has not ended, there are countless people you eventually meet, some good and some gandu ! , but all in all , it just teaches you important lessons in life which are supposed to be taken as lessons so as to not to commit them the next time something similar happens.

Probably take life as it comes, do things you always wanted to do, but couldn't because of your crappy commitments to other things, give your friends the importance they should be given because they will eventually be the ones who will be around for your tattoo art on your shoulder blades, for the numerous piercings on your body, for the times that you fall sick, for the times they want to drink, for the times you always want to have fun, for the times where you seem to be enjoying life to the max.

I always remember this song called Let me be myself - 3 doors down, infact me and Gozde do listen to it quite a lot these days, Gozde is the girl whom i work with these days with my present project, yes the beautiful eyes girl ...

Please, Would you one time let me be myself , So that i can shine with my own light ... let me be myself.....

These are the kind of lyrics that help you to get on with it, and do things that you always wanted to do, but didnt ................. coz you had to be answerable to someone.

Am i turning into a women ?

Earlier just to freak out Aakriti i used to say to her things that might give an indication that i am turning into a women, but something is odd , something is really REALLY weird this past one week. I think i am turning into a women, i don't have much proof for this - for example i don't have men staring at my chest when i talk to them nor do they open the door for me and stare at my ass when i leave the room... but i do have this major feeling that i am more of a women than a man.
Everything was fine till today mom told me and Arushi to fetch few things from Lamcy.
After 90 Min's of shopping at Lamcy Plaza , i refused to push the trolley i mean wasn't that a guys job to do ? . I even started to arrange the items (eggs, aerated drinks , juice , toilet paper) , initially i used to just stack them one over the other but it seemed that i had actually started to arrange them in a systematic way. I realized that when i am a women i hate it if eggs touch toilet paper.
There are three things that men do in a Supermarket
1.Drive down and search for parking endlessly
2.Push the trolley
3. Stare at other girls
I didn't feel like doing any of these.
On my way back , i hit a car in the parking lot while i was trying to get the car out. There was a guy who was a Lebanese by his looks standing a little away . Since my window was up , I could only Lip read this is what i could manage " You Motherfucker why are you driving like a lady ? "
Once inside the house, I couldn't relax till I had arranged all the edibles inside the fridge and the other items in the kitchen cabinets
Later in the evening , i had to meet Ria and Rahul at Times Cafe. I ordered a Fosters beer and i didn't like the taste. Was i not drinking beer 'coz it can make you burp endlessly or was i acting like a women ? I seriously don't know
I told mom that i would like to come to her friends house for dinner which she had planned like a week back or so, I din’t tell her that I had this huge urge to join the ladies for their 9 pm. to 10 pm. dinner talk where everything from diaper rashes to school fees was discussed and digested.
BTW FYI mom has this friend called Divya , and her daughter Risha is like very hot, initially my sole reason was to meet her but when i went there , for some apparent reason i got bored talking to her, i was admiring her dressing table more than anything.
Somehow,Doritos seemed boring to me today while watching TV, Saas Bahu serials have a lot controversy i also found out today.

Note: If you are a lady, you probably understand the symptoms better – can you tell me the truth…am I turning into a woman? If yes, I would like to know your thoughts on same gender sex?