Resting on the Seabed ...

So its lost ... My cellphone has been lost , it is the 6th time i might be replacing my cellphone, it feels good though no more sms's no more calls nothing...but at the same time i feel handicapped like yesterday night when it was planned that the usual sneak out plan in the night would be on ... the usual smoking bouts that me and Ryan share , however it felt odd when i was driving to his place i thought to myself if anyone wakes up at my place and bother to give a call to find out where am i , how will they do that ? .. :S
Anyways i am thankful to Suheir Khalid aka moti , my closest of friends who has been there for me for a long time and hopefully i can meet her again today before she leaves for Banglore tomorrow morning. It was she the ultimate hyper women who managed to throw my cell deep inside the sea . Can you belive it i saw it going right in front of me ! well it was kind of funny when Suheir started crying ,though i wasnt pissed about it as it was expected out of me ... ! coz it was done by Suheir and not by any other person as such.
Wouldnt ever probably forget this day when it all happened , the Burdubai creek has been a nice place to all of us namely Ram , Ryan , Alif and off course Suheir , the last incident being Marlboro Lights which had to be rescued by me and Ram unfortunately Ram wasn't there otherwise we could have devised some plan to rescue the cellphone as well..:P
I am back to the Apple I phone , the one i hated with all my heart , i am back to lines getting disconnected without any oblivious reasons , i am back to complicated applications , and i am back to the phone where you hear things as if every goddamn person is under water today .
Well gotta be used to that now , for the time being till i buy something that comes under the brand called NOKIA

.......

""I have promised myself that i wont ever miss you but i will always remember how it felt beside you "".

Neither Mine nor Yours .. !

I was talking to Ram and Ryan an hour back about the present politics in India and how Mumbai being the financial powerhouse of the country is treating other North Indians ... How Fucked is Raj Thackeray in the head and how its a war between the uncle and the nephew ... well yeah another random stuff to pen down ... ! which later Ryan is gonna crib about but anyways who cares... !!

Maharashtra , it is a state that is located on the western coast of the country . It is the 3rd largest state in India and 2nd largest as far as population is concerned. The capital of Maharashtra being Mumbai , which also is the financial powerhouse of the country , main political parties being the Shiv Sena and the Mumbai Navinrman Sena ( MNS ) ....
What is it about Mumbai that is creating a hustle all over ... What is this uproar against all North Indians ? the reason being Raj Thackeray the leader of MNS , head of MNS , the goon of Mumbai , A mindless egocentric freak .. !
To really understand the phenomenon of Raj Thackeray and its present predicament on Mumbai , Bihar and other North Indian States, one has to combine a psychological and sociological perspective. In the case of Raj Thackeray and equally his uncle Bal Thackeray --it can be truly said that the personal is political , while the psychological provided by the unfolding of the relationship between them, the sociological is the constant invention of the ‘other’ as a necessary tactic of survival by the Shiv Sena, and now the Maharashtra Navnirman Sena (MNS)....
I personally believe that both Raj and Bal have this supermacy war against each other that has ignited the fire in their own battleground called Mumbai . Raj Thackeray as we all know ... when he got to know that he wont be the political heir to Bal Thackeray ... he decided to take them on their own turf and form the MNS - Mumbai Navinraman Sena , for Bal Thackeray it was the son's blood that triumphed over that of the nephew , ushering Uddhav Thackeray as the unlikely successor for Bal Thackeray.
Nobody is yet sure as to what happened to Balasaheb Thackeray all of a sudden after years of projecting Raj being his successor he suddenly changed his mind and decided onto Udhav Thackeray ( maybe a family crises .. but anyways who cares ?? ) ... however this decision of Bal Thackeray was very expensive ,as Bal Thackeray's unusual lack of wisdom, fueled a hostile competitiveness and rancour in the spurned Raj Thackeray.
To teach Bal and Udhav Thackeray a lesson the MNS was formed , Raj formed it not only to give a slap to Shiv Sena but also to other political parties and to lay its own claim to Maharashtra Mumbaikars , if not all of Maharashtra , throughout the history of Maharashtra MNS and Shiv Sena have barely come into a open conflict but an underground war of supremacy is always there.
Raj had learnt a lot of things from his uncle due to his close association with him . How to control Mumbai with muscle power , how to hold it to ransom , how to demand respect , how to bust the psychological nerves of Mumbaikars and protect them against the onslaught of foreigners -- the foreigners being the poor Indians who come to the shore of Mumbai to earn a living .... !
Many writings and movies ( Guru , A Wednesday , Yeh hain Mumbai meri jaan , Black Friday ) are a testimony to the composite nature of Mumbai created as it continually is through the migrations of Indians of all hues. weather they are from the east , west , south or the north it doesnt matter to them one bit. Mumbai is the only city in India that can be compared to cities like New York , Dubai or London ... ! like Mumbai people in New York are thrown on top of each other due to their hectic lifestyle , where they are forced to relate to each other irrespective of their caste,creed,color,religion etc...
What we know is that these cities are made by a labor of millions each has a dream and each wants to go for that dream
Do these cities belong to anyone ? Can they survive by abdicating to claims of primacy by a particular ethnic group, granting it privileges not granting to others . Language is a preference that comes with ethnicity and those who relocate themselves to Mumbai do not resist the language but accomodate their own speech onto it ... Marathi is not threatened by any other language and neither is Bambaiya Hindi which itself is a creation of this city .. !!
The Shiv Sena has survived as a regional party through a long track record by creating the ""outsiders "" and by presenting them as someone who take away what rightfully belong to the Marathis .. ! We dont need to remind ourselves that it was initially the South Indians , then the minority Muslims , then North Indians as a whole and then finally targetting UP and Bihar . This has been very easy for both MNS as well has Shiv Sena because its easy to beat them down... the outsiders have always been a migrant minority — regional or religious....
What does this do for the greatness of Marathi's that the opponents chosen are weak and defenceless unlike those that their hero Shivaji chose to battle ? .. Perhaps the relevant point here is Raj Thackeray for him its not the North Indians who are the real opponents .. it is the uncle Balasaheb Thackeray who is the main opponent , he is perhaps fighting for something which he calls his rightful inheritance ... .! The day is not far when Balasaheb will die ... if i am not wrong he is aged 65 or something .. !
Unfortunately , the youthfullness of desperate Raj Thackeray promises us that his brand of "gundagari " is not about to fade away in a hurry . To limit the damage of destruction between Bal and Raj Thackeray people should start beliveing on the fact that "" Mumbai kisi key baap ki nahi hain "" ... ! , it is the people who make the government and it is time the people are woken up from this utter nonsense that is happening in Mumbai ... It is only then that Mumbai could be termed as a world class city .... !

P.S - Ally just in case you read this post... do remember i still hate Maharashtra and there is no place that is better than Delhi ... :P

Relationships ....

Relationships ... As a child i was very sensitive about my relationships. Maybe coz i was shy , low on self confidence and that till the age of 10 i barely made any friends . I remember feeling this bond once when as a kid i had to go to Meerut to my grandmoms place by bus wih a co-passenger . Except when the journey ended the co-passenger walked off and we were back to being strangers again. I couldnt help wondering it if i just didnt have it in me to make a relationship work ? or maybe i was this unintresting bore who thought so much about himself , I wasnt sure as to what i had wanted ? Did i like being all by myself or to be in a relationship ? If i wanted to be in a relationship it would mean that i would have to change i wont like what i see every morning in the mirror there would be a lot of compromises and adjustments that i would have to make, and what guarantee is it that this relationship is going to be all good in short it is going to be a working relationship ??
What is a working relationship anyways .. it depends on where you start from if you aim at the stars then it means a relationship where both the partners are " happy " however if you tend to look at the ground it means a relationship where atleast one partner is happy ( isint it better to have atleast one happy instead of both of them being unhappy )
As i started analyzing myself as to why i couldnt make relationships work ? i decided i would go for a relationship where one person could be happy it could be me or it could be her ...
I decided onto this coz you know you keep your objectives low there are high chances they could be achieveable .. :) I thought to myself that it would be the best if my partner would be the who would be happy , coz when she would be happy i would be happy and maybe she would change herself to make sure that i am happy too....
To stick to this plan i decided to be more flexible , more open than i orignally was, the fact that i always had varied intrests has always helped. I started trying to understand what my partner was all about . Getting an insight in her mind , heart etc .. it is intresting to find so many new ways to do it . Every person is different and offers a different way to gain insight over her . Once i got to know that person , i started changeing myself to suit that person .... ! it was fun to see she discovering me , understanding me and haveing the same likes and dislikes .
To be fair here i wasnt really turning myself upside down under the wires of flexibility , it was more or less a course correction . DO NOT underestimate the power of course correction !! . We would still be sailing happily on the Titanic if the course correction had happened and offcourse there wouldnt have been any movie if that course correction had happened .. ..
The plan worked for me . I started to relise that i wasnt really bad at forming relationships , it had boosted my self confidence as well as makeing me relise that i wasnt a loser after all . It also helped to know closely some of the most amazeing women i have met in my short life .... :):)

All was fine until i met this new crop of modern , sensitive and smart women with a fair sprinkleing of traditional values. They asked me Apurv -- are you ok ? ... what do you want ? ... are you happy ?? I was stumped ! .. i dint know what to answer , i just dint know what was happeneing ? ... i needed to upgrade to a better software or a faster Ram/Chip or something . I wish i could be an airport announcer and say that "" the flight has been delayed "" and put off the microphone but NO .... I had to answer to these women, these women whom i am so attached to ... I answered them with a fake smile saying - i am happy if you are happy we want the same things its just that you are too frank about it .. maybe too vocal about it .. i am happy to see you smileing and happy .... I am not sure these answers satisfy them and i know the reason why , these seem to be superficial for their soul searching questions ... Surely after haveing a smoke or something i can come with something better (meaningful?deep?) rather than --- i am happy if you are happy .. ! ..

Except i cant , this is how i have chosen myself to be , this is the path i have taken ...
This is probably why they are in a relationship with me . I dont want to change back into a self-centered person who enters into a relationship as if i am entering into a contract where both the partners should know their roles . A realtionship is not a contract and it never will be a contract the more you try to control it the more it will slip away from your hand . It is like a small baby you say No to chocolates and she would want that chocolate only. She wants all that careing and loveing you have got . She is a bundle of joy though she has her own set of problems all you need to do is be a little more patient and not to loose your temper coz she could cry coz of that ....

I write this sitting in my balcony , with warm slow winds blowing across my face agreeing to whatever i have said today . I write this because being here alone all by myself makes me yearn for a relationship even more ... it makes me relise that what i am is because some of the wonderful spirits in life have and continued to rub off against me .. they have only got questions when it is my turn to give them answers , all i gave them were these seemingly unconvinceing answers . I dont think they love me for what i am as i love them for what they are

This is what matters to me and this is why we both are " happy " ... !

Mind the Heart .

Sometimes I just want to write. Except, I don’t know what to write. Sometimes, I just feel this itch to pen down what I am thinking. Except... I am not thinking anything. I am blank..!!.. almost like my mind is afraid to think, afraid to be brought out in the open under the spotlight

Maybe he doesn’t like me doing all this revealing.... He likes to keep its little secrets from me and reveal it to me when the “time is right”...!.
Its funny how the mind behaves sometimes almost like he lives a life of its own independent of me....!. Sometimes I think my heart and my mind are 2 separate individuals....!! What I finally end up doing is dependent on who wins the argument. If I don’t do anything then the argument is balanced on both sides...... I also feel that the heart and the mind respond to different impulses. They both take into account totally different set of factors before deciding on a course of action..... The mind for example would typically go the logical way. It will balance the pros and cons, the upside and the downside and then decide..... The heart is a different ball game altogether. Its difficult for the mind to comprehend how the heart decides.... The heart looks at what the nerves of the body have to say. What do the sixth sense, third eye and second nose have to say...!! Does it smell right? Does it sound right? Something doesn’t seem to be right here etc etc..... It’s amazing how many times these questions save us from potential troublesome situations..... The mind is never able to comprehend and calls it a fluke, a coincidence, or a miracle.....Maybe the mind isn’t made to comprehend this situation. What is the mind anyway???.... It is a function of knowledge (for lack of a better word) that is available to the society at a given time. This knowledge is imparted to all of us in the form of education..... In the early ages it was believed that the earth is not the centre of the universe and it actually revolves around the sun. Anyone who thought otherwise ..... Everyone also used to think the other way and if someone said no then he will be branded a madman and stoned to death or poisoned. Today if I came to you and said that I have proof of my next incarnation (and it will be what you really wanted to do when you left school) you will probably ask what do I smoke? But I am so sure in my heart that I will be an journalist in my next incarnation because that is what I really wanted to be when I left school. I am just waiting for them to fingerprint this whole genetic code and come out with this discovery...... I am grateful that we live in more tolerant times where I can atleast say what I want and not be stoned for it. Yes I will still be judged for what I say but I prefer it any day to stoning and other more drastic measures.......I still look forward to a world where we are not judged for our actions (except of course if we break laws). Where we have enough space to do what we want and how we want to do it......

Wouldn’t it be great if everyone just minded their own business and not interfered in others unless specifically asked to give their opinion? I was reading one of these colums (Friday magzine) on etiquette and it was talking about how houseguests should carry themselves. One of the things it said was that houseguests shouldn’t give advice unless specifically asked for. I was thinking that this issue is more than just an etiquette issue. What is worse is that people don’t think that what they are doing is wrong. So they are genuinely surprised when confronted on their behaviour. But then who am I to say that I am right and they are wrong. Maybe I am just exercising my personal prejudices.I think in a world where people are not judged for their actions the mind will be much closer to the heart in how it takes it decision. The mind will feel less bound by constraints and the need to be logical and confirm to societal norms.

How TO spend a Saturday ?? .. :)

Recently we ( Me , Ryan and Ram ) have started playing foosball a lot well thankx to Dana - the only Quiet place to play foosball and pool in Karama .. without ppl shouting .. "" TERI MAA KI " ... Etc etc ... ... well we do it just for the heck of it .. ! .. or yeah to laugh at Ryan ... with the fuckall thingz he does there.. ! + to get my mood on the right track after yesterday evening . :D
infact belive it or not he is improveing with whatever he knew ... i have been improveing my game and so is Ram .. ! .. i have decided i am just gonna use my cut shots .. ! to Irritate Ram ..
He has to keep his cool while playing..... he broke the ROD and A PLAYER .. ! today .. LMAO ....
Well today was fun ... as soon as we woke up .. we were out .... in my moms word ... we were "" AAWARA "" ... one part i am thankful about is .. ! all three of us have got a driveing license ( alif i hope you read this .. :P:P ) its a pleasure driveing the opel omega.. and i have made Ram promise of never selling that car ... can you belive it .. there is a small button near the gear which says RACE .. muhahah ... i dont think i need to say anything more on that .. ! ..

I love that car .. ! its a beauty .. ! .. We met Ram's dad after that he had to get the car serviced i personally belive he is a serial killer ... his face is sooo fuckinn scary it can KILL you .... plus he has a killer tattoo in his arm ..... !

We had dinner together (after our daily dose of foosball ) at KFC ... well it was fun as well as weird .. coz few kidz there.. tried to frisk Ram .. ! . haha ...
Herk .. aka Herkules .. it was his treat today at KFC no clue why he gave the treat but anywayz it was fun ... Me and Ram .. invented this new word today called .. "" Cheezy ""
well you can call it lameness .. or whatever .. but we simply love that word ... !
its amazeing to bug Ryan by just saying ... "" ehh .. Ryan whatever it is .. YOU just cannot be cheezy about it "" .. :P:P .. our usual fuckall way to rhyme it .. also continued which included cheezy - crispy - tipsy ...etc...
after hogging a lot of KFC and makeing it very difficult to walk we decided to proceed towards the Bur Dubai Creek ... its like our daily adda now ... ! we like to have a smoke there .. coz it aint that far from Karama plus who cares .... we can alwayz drive down .. ! ..
Ram , Ryan and Herkz were talking about Diwali the day me ryan and ram played cards .. till 2 in the morning .. ! well yeah i lost badly .. BUT THEY CHEATED !! ..
We decided to play again .. ! went to my place and decided on playing Teen Patti !! ... Herkz said he knew how to play teen patti / flash .. however when he folded a trail of 10 .. i had doubts over it .. ! ... all in all it was an amazeing day .. ! ... i guess i will be fucked royally day after coz i had planned to do my kichen island plan sheets today however blahh who cares... ! i guess Alfiya or Saniya could come for my rescue .. ! :P ...